Tuesday, August 5, 2014
To reward the people who surrender themselves to the divine discipline in the pre-death world, God has made a perfect world in the post-death eternal world called Paradise. Paradise is the world that has been created in keeping with man's perfection seeking nature. It is an ideal and perfect world in every respect, with no frustration, no problems, no aging, no illness — just eternal peace, bliss and happiness. God wants such men and women who qualify in their test in this limited world, according to the Divine standard to inhabit the ideal world of Paradise. Who then are these men and women who measure up to the divine standard? They are the ones who, by using their intellectual capabilities, attain the realization of God. They are those who discover the truth by tearing asunder the veil of mental confusion, who abandon all forms of worship in favour of the worship of the One True God and who then lead a divinely disciplined life. These are the criteria for earning Paradise according to the divine creation plan. Such men and women as come up to this standard will be ushered into the eternal world of Paradise after death, while those who fail to do so will be cast into eternal hellfire, where they will have nothing in store for them but eternal deprivation and frustration. The people who will fill Paradise will be those who availed of the opportunities of this present world to do good, while the people who will fill hell will be those who failed to avail of such opportunities. Theirs will be a case of 'missed opportunities'. As the saying goes: 'Opportunity only knocks once.' This saying is wholly true in the matter of eternal success. For the chance to succeed is not going to be, given to anyone twice. The situation of those adjudged to have properly availed of the opportunity will endure to their benefit for all eternity, just as the situation of those adjudged to have missed their opportunity will be one of unending perdition. So, take stock of your life to see if you are availing this Divine opportunity. Make sure that you avail of-your opportunity in this world in order that you 1 may attain eternal peace in the next. Just as there was a beginning of our life on the planet earth, similarly there will be an end of our life on this planet. The Day of Judgment is another name for this end. This day will mark the day of victory or defeat for all men and women who have inhabited this planet. The victory of one who emerged victorious on that day will last forever. The defeat of one who stood defeated on that day will also last forever. Blessed are those who are held deserving of choicest blessings of the Lord -that is, eternal Paradise- the final destination of a believing man.
So the question arises as to what men and women should do in this limited pre-death world in order to find the world of their desires in the eternal post-death world? The answer is that they must exercise their freedom in accordance with the will of their Creator. How does one do this? We do this by surrendering ourselves to divine discipline. That is to say that in spite of having been granted full freedom to flout it around if we so wish, we restrain ourselves, we develop a positive outlook; even in a negative situation, we treat others as we ourselves want to be treated.
Like everything else in this world, God created this world as one half of a pair. This world, in which we pass our lives after birth, is the first half and the other world where we will live after death is the other half. The Creator of man has thus created him as an eternal creature and has divided his life into two stages - the pre-death period or the limited life in this world and the post death period or the eternal life after death. The pre-death world is designed as a 'testing" ground, while the post-death world is designed to be a world of 'reward' or 'punishment'. The mistake made by philosophers and thinker- is that they seek the human destination in the present world, whereas it does not exist in this world at all. Since the present world is made to serve the purpose of man's test, everyone here has been granted complete freedom to make his or her own moral choices. It is as if the .present world were a kind of examination hall where all the provisions have been made that are needed for this test. But the perfect, ideal things needed for building a happy life do not exist here. For everything here is in an incomplete and limited form. If man tries to seek happiness here, it would be like a student wanting to build his desired life within an examination hall. Just as the student will ultimately be overwhelmed with a sense of frustration if he tries to do so, in the same way any man, who tries to build his perfect world in a place where he is on trial, will also face frustration.
This apparently intractable issue becomes fully resolved when the study of man is made in the light of the Divine Scheme of things. That is to say, when efforts are made to understand the will or plan of the Creator along with an understanding of the creation. This is the only possible scientific method that is of any relevance. When we approach matters from this angle, we realize that this problem confronts us only because we attempt to understand man without keeping in mind the creation plan of God. Man is a creation; he is not the Creator. Just as a machine is made by an engineer, it is not its own maker. This being so, if we want to know the reality of man, we have to learn about the creation plan of the Creator. Just as without the knowledge of the engineer's plan, we cannot explain the machine, similarly, without knowledge of the creation plan of the Creator, it is impossible to explain man. This is why, without keeping this creation plan in view, the meaning of man's life escapes us; whereas when we keep this creation plan firmly in view, everything becomes fully comprehensible. Everything falls into place.
Dr. Alexis Carrel was born in France in 1873. After receiving higher education in Science (Medicine) in France, he went to the United States in 1905 to join the staff of Rockefeller Institute of Medical Research in New York and remained there for 30 years. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1912 for his contribution to the field of medicine. He died in 1944 in France. Dr. Carrel's book titled, Man the Unknown, which was published in 1935 and reprinted on several occasions, was his most popular work. A commentator aptly says of it: "This book sums up much of his experience of man and his life seen from a purely scientific aspect." But, as we learn from his 312-page book, Dr. Alexis Carrel failed to find the reality of human life. That is why he titled the book, Man the Unknown. A study of 4Ms hop tells us that, so far as man as a scientific entity is concerned, he was, to a--great_ extent, 'discovered' by Dr. Carrel. Then the question arises as to why he gave his book a title of this nature. This apparent confusion stems from the fact that although Dr. Carrel had 'discovered' man, his study did not lead him to any certain knowledge of man's 'destination'. He felt that a 'known' man was heading towards an 'unknown' destination. The truth is that what is unknown is not man, but rather his destination. A more apt title for his book might have been, "Man's Destination, the Unknown." This is not a problem faced by Dr. Carrel alone. The same has been and still is true of all philosophers and thinkers. Although man has appeared to them to be a known entity, they have remained totally ignorant of his ultimate destination. It is this ideological vacuum between man and his 'destination', which shows us how mysterious, indeed, are the ways of God to man, so that, ultimately, nothing but bewilderment awaits him. Man is a perfectionist by birth. By nature, he wants a perfect existence, an eternal life, unlimited" happiness, no obstacles, etc. He wants a world, which is the realization of human dreams. A world that is free from all contradictions. A world where man may lead his life with a sense of total fulfillment. He wants a perfect world, but despite all his efforts, he is fated to realize that finding a perfect world is an impossibility.
Peace is essential for a better way of living peace of mind, peace in the family and peace in nature. Today, in our modern, technological world, man apparently has access to everything he desires. In the absence of peace, however, everything has been rendered meaningless. What is needed to redress the balance is love, compassion, tolerance, forbearance and the spirit of co-existence. One of the stark realities of life is that divergence of views does exist between man and man, and that it impinges at all levels. Some people hold that the removal of all differences is the sine qua non for bringing about unity. But, this view is untenable, as it is not practicable. You may not like the thorns that essentially accompany roses, but it is not possible for you to pluck out all the thorns and destroy them completely. For, if you pluck out one, another will grow in its place. Even if you run a bulldozer over all rosebushes, new plants will grow in their place that will bear roses ineluctably accompanied by thorns. In the present scheme of things, roses can be had only by tolerating the existence of thorns. Similarly, a peaceful society can be created only by creating and fostering the spirit of tolerance towards diversities. However, a peaceful life can be achieved only when human beings learn what their limitations ought to be. According to the Divine law, you can take from the world whatever will satisfy your need— not your greed. You may do business with others, but you may not exploit them. You may also establish your individuality, but not at the cost of your family and society. In daily existence, you may lead your life by maintaining social traditions and not by destroying them. You have the freedom to lead your own life, but by caring in the process for the rest of your society and not by neglecting it. Resources may be utilized for the benefit of humanity, but not for bringing about destruction. You are free to use peaceful methods, but you are not entitled to use violence. You can make use .of nature, but not at the cost of disturbing its balance: the equilibrium of .nature must never be disturbed. How can we attain peace? The formula is very simple. Take your share without usurping that of others. Fulfill your needs without depriving others of theirs. Satisfy your desires without thwarting that of others" and fulfill your ambitions without denying others the right to do likewise. In short, solve your own problems without creating problems for your fellow creatures. Peaceful co-existence is the only way of existence in this world.
In the present world the root cause of most of our problems is traceable to our deviation from the peaceful model of nature—the best model for us to follow. All the dilemmas we are facing today arise because we have not followed nature's lead. The stars and planets are in continual motion in their orbits, but they never collide with one another. This serves to show man how to proceed to his destination in life without coming into conflict with others. The sun too is an excellent model. It shows us how we should give life to others in a totally undiscriminating way. The tree is also a shining example to man, in that it supplies healthy and beneficial oxygen in exchange for harmful gas, that is, carbon dioxide. And just observe how flowers spread their fragrance all around them, regardless of whether they are appreciated for it or not. A flowing stream is likewise a model when it irrigates the fields without expecting anything in return. Without the inculcation of these altruistic values among human beings, no meaningful life on earth is possible. In this world, positive living is not of relevance solely to moral behaviour. Rather, it is incumbent upon us to follow a positive course at all times and in all situations. For, in this vast universe, there is only our tiny earth on which human beings may survive. To date, there is no other spot in the cosmos where we have discovered life-supporting systems. Preserving nature, therefore, is synonymous with sustaining life, while destroying nature will lead to total extinction. In short, consistently engaging in positive living amounts to saving life, while failing to do so is a certain way of committing suicide. This beautiful world of nature created by God is well on its way to being ruined by man. Widespread violence, ecological disturbance and global warming have together become a menace greater than that of a Third World War. Indeed, it is as if a Third World War has already been thrust upon us. This is the biggest threat we are facing today. We have to work unitedly and sincerely to save nature in the interest of all of humanity. And this can only be achieved by following the peaceful method.
According to a German psychologist, Alfred Adler, a unique quality possessed by human beings is 'their power to turn a minus into a plus'. What enables man to perform this extraordinary feat? The only answer is that it is through peace. The human brain is a treasure house of unlimited power. If man loses his peace of mind at a time of crisis, he is not in a position to utilize his mental capacity in a positive way. Negative thinking is an obstacle to human development, while positive thinking is like a life-giver in that it stimulates human capacities. Therefore, when an individual or a nation is able to maintain peace in every situation, infinite possibilities open up. This is when minus can be turned into plus.
Scholars have defined peace thus: "Peace is the absence of war." This definition is absolutely correct. Peace in fact means the absence of a situation of war or violence. However, some people hold this definition of peace to be inadequate. They say that justice should accompany peace; that peace devoid of justice is no peace. People the world over are, therefore, acting intolerantly and indulging in acts of violence in the name of justice, saying, "Give us justice and peace will ensue." According to me, setting such a condition for the attainment of peace is impractical. This is because peace on its own does, not bring justice. That is, justice is not necessarily an element of peace. When people indulge in acts of violence in the name of justice, peace can never prevail. This is because nothing productive can take place in an environment of violence. Peace is always desirable for its own sake. And even-thing else comes after, not along with peace. When people become tolerant and accept peace for the sake of peace, what that actually does is open up opportunities - it creates favourable conditions, which enable people to strive towards and attain their objectives. When people avail of the opportunities thus created, they eventually obtain justice and bring to fruition many other constructive initiatives. The case of Japan is a concrete example of the success of this formula. Japan's industrial cities, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, were destroyed by the atom bombs in 1945. After the holocaust, Japan abandoned violence and adopted a peaceful course for its development, which it termed as the 'reverse course'. And as a result, within a short span of forty years, Japan rose to become a great economic power of the world. Therefore the success, which was not forthcoming, even after a long and violent struggle, was achieved by peaceful methods in a short period of time. Therefore, the only practicable formula for obtaining peace is, therefore: 'Ignore the problems, avail of the opportunities.' This is the ideology of peace given in Islam as practised by Prophet Muhammad (may be peace upon him) that is exemplified by the Hudaibiyya treaty (for details, read Muhammad: A Prophet for All Humanity). Peace - A Complete Code of Conduct Peace is the product of a positive mental attitude, while violence is the result of negative thinking. Peace is the natural state of society: violence is an unnatural state. Peace is as much in accordance with nature's plan as violence is against it. When peaceful conditions prevail in a society, all activities take place in their proper form. But if the atmosphere of peace is disturbed, the normal functioning of society is disrupted. This law applies to man, as well as to the entire universe. Violence and peace both have wide connotations. Violence includes everything from hatred to war. The same is true of peace, which includes everything from tolerance to love. Both violence and peace are the results of human thinking. Peace means normalcy, and normalcy provides all such opportunities as favour the growth of a healthy environment. A natural condition should prevail, where people can live and work without any external hindrance. Violence closes the doors to positive activities, while peace opens the doors to them. It creates an atmosphere of positive living for the individual, society and the nation at large. All kinds of achievements are possible in an environment of peace. If violent situations hamper opportunities, peace helps favourable situations to flourish, where man's creative abilities can be nurtured and developed.
The solution to this problem is that everyone should re-examine this entire issue. If he is serious about it, he will certainly reach the conclusion that he has to discover the system of thought in which he may find the concept of God in its pure form — that there is only one God, one Truth and one message of God. A number of scholars, in quest of a solution to this issue, have carried out considerable research on this subject. One of these was a highly educated Bengali doctor, Nishi Kant Chattopadhyaye, who gave the answer at great length in one of his lectures delivered in Hyderabad (Daccan) in 1904. (This lecture has now been published in booklet form: Titled 'A Case of Discovery'.) He stated that in this matter, the actual problem is that all the religions revealed before the 7th century A.D., enshrined the concept of one God but, as time went on, it was not possible for their original scriptures to be preserved by their followers. In every religion the concept of God became subject to human interpolatiors. Hence the original teaching on the concept of God was no longer to be found in its pristine form. It was in the seventh century AD that Islam came to the world. Although Islam is a religion like other religions, its distinctive quality is that its original text has been fully preserved due to the availability of paper (papyrus) in its crude form at the time and with the invention of the printing press in times to come. That is why, now, for later generations (after the emergence of Islam) the greatest and the only source of knowledge of the right concept of God, in its pristine form, is Islam. Anyone who seriously wants to grasp the true concept of God has no choice but to turn to the Quran. According to the Quran, the Sacred Book of God, God is One. He alone is the Creator and Lord of man and the universe: He is, moreover, the Sustainer of the entire universe. God is a living being. He sees and hears. At all times and in every place, it is possible for man to contact God directly, without any intermediary. God Almighty can compensate for all shortcomings in man. God will come to man's rescue in both the pre-death and post-death period. God is a limitless source of solace and peace. God in all matters provides guidance to man through His prophets. God, being the Creator and Sustainer of man, is thoroughly familiar with his constitution. He is likewise aware to the fullest possible extent of human aspirations. That is why God alone can understand and provide for all the needs of human beings. Only such a God as this One God can be the God of man. No other 'supposed' divine being has the ability to fulfill human requirements. Man in every age has been desirous of a concept of God, which would be in tune with the urges of the nature he was born with. In response to these urges, religions in every age have furnished man with knowledge of God, but because in ancient times the method of writing-end copying manuscripts was far from flawless, religious books could not be preserved in their original, pristine form. Finally, thanks to the meticulous arrangements made for its preservation, the Quran, which was revealed at the beginning of the 7th century, remained fully preserved in its original form throughout the succeeding centuries - right up to the present day. The Quran thus gives the only authentic introduction to God. It is the only trustworthy source of information about Him. (For details, read Quran: An Abiding Wonder). Millions and millions of human beings have testified to the fact that it was only when they studied the Quran that they received that introduction to God, which their nature had been seeking all along. They have freely admitted that other concepts of God did not respond to the cravings of their inner nature. It was only when they were introduced to the concept of God in the Quran that their hearts cried out in acceptance. This was the God who could give them total fulfillment. Now anybody who is desirous of building his life along the right lines can discover God by studying the Quran. Without this, no one can build his future, neither in this world nor in the next eternal world.
All men and women are born with the concept of God. Many different kinds of studies: anthropological, psychological, historical, religious... have shown that, since time immemorial, the concept of God has been deeply interwoven in human nature. Indeed, the concept of God is quite indispensable to man. Consciously or unconsciously, he is compelled to give this concept the central position in his life. Even apparent atheists, when faced with some crisis, spontaneously call out to God. In this matter, there is no known exception. Man requires a proper goal for his activities in order that he may continue his journey through life with satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment. At the same time, being an explanation-seeking animal, he seeks to explain his existence and the world around him. But, owing to his limitations, he feels helpless. Unaided, he can neither set himself the correct goals, nor can he fathom the meaning of human life. It is only by accepting a limitless Being such as God that this feeling of helplessness can be overcome. As experience has shown, most men and women live lives of largely unfulfilled desires. It is God alone who can give any ray of hope for their fulfillment, just as it is God alone who can give man the correct objectives. Perhaps the most important thing that God gives man is conviction. Man, owing to his peculiar nature, wants to lead his life with the courage of conviction and there is no other source of this conviction save God. As studies have shown, all men and women believe in God in one way or the other. Now the question arises as to why these believers in God do not arrive at the result they expect from their 'belief. Why even 'so-called' believers in God are deprived of divine inspiration? Why are people who put up plaques in their houses saying, "In God we Trust", deprived of God's blessing?? Why do people who seemingly trust in God not receive His blessings in the real sense? This is because these 'so-called' believers in God have not been able to establish a genuine 'communion' with Him. Therefore, despite their belief in God, people's lives are sadly lacking in divine blessings. This is the problem facing all men and women. Ever}7 man and woman believes, ideologically, in one god or the other. But so far as the result of such belief is concerned, it is not forthcoming. Every individual, from his own personal experience can understand that this problem is not one of lack of belief but rather of an absence of any outcome of belief in God. This is a universal truth, which anyone can understand just by taking stock of the events of his own life. There could be only one possible reason for this gap between faith and the result of faith. And that is, the so-called believer maybe worshipping some non-god in the name of God. In such a case it is but natural that, in spite of believing in some god, he or she will not receive the result of belief. The reason for this is that people usually associate themselves with some non-God or the other. Although they utter such words as, 'We believe in God", in practice they have made themselves subservient to some non-deity. There are times, when some living or dead human being is placed upon the pedestal of divinity, while at other times the concepts of a sun-god or a moon-god become prevalent. Some, under the influence of humanism, have accorded the seat of God to man -what is called 'transfer of the seat from God to man'. Others have placed the 'law of nature' as an alternative to God, while yet others believe that God is in Everything including man and that we just have to make contact with our inner personality-to-receive God's blessings. Still others believe in the monistic concept of God, according to which God is a vague spirit, rather than a Being with whom contact may be established. We can understand this gap between faith and the result of faith through the following example. If you misdial a number that does not exist on your telephone, you will very likely hear this recorded voice from the telephone office: "This number does not exist." This is exactly what is happening with people as regards to their faith in God. People are calling upon such beings, in the name of God, as have no existence in reality. That is why their call receives the answer: "This god does not exist."
IN THE NAME OF ALLAH THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL Marriage as a Sunnah of the Holy Prophet is an act that must be done with adequate pre-education and preparation of all parties. Below are what we as teachers and councilors should take Brothers and Sisters who are to be involve in marriage through before there engagements as part of our responsibilities over them which we shall be accountable to Allah (swt) on. May Allah make it easy for us al-amin. PART 1 At Period of Attachment: this time Teachers are expected to ad monish and follow up their Bros and Sis on what is coming below irrespective of whether it was mentioned during the attachment process or not. a. Frequency / Place of Meeting: Advised fortnightly but may reduce depending on distance. Frequency may also increase as marriage approaches. Islamic rules on strange meetings should also be dwelt on. b. Focus of Discussion: Admonition, knowing about self and families, individual problems and joys, career, marriage plans, dream home, raising children, spiritual development and dawah and dawah activities. c. Rights/limitation: As it affects the followings- Discussions/meetings, showing concern, exchange of gifts, expression of love, visitation and dawah assignments. d. Reporting: They should be made to know that the relationship just like any other thing is still a subject of reporting and no sacred area. PART2 At the approach of marriage: This part should be taken as soon as the marriage is expected to come in between four to six month in future irrespective of whether a date has been choosing or not. It is important to cover it before a month to the marriage when the student is expected to be busy wish preparations for the marriage. The following is a collection of what marriage counselors should endeavor to take the would be couples through. I. ESSENCE OF AN-NIKAH 1. Procreation. 2. To serve Allah. 3. To copy the Holy Prophet. 4. To administer the other creatures of Allah. 5. A means of accepting the responsibilities of Allah's work. 6. Continuation of propagation of Allah's work. 7. Mean of enjoyment to satisfy the nature of man. 8. To guard your chastity. 9. To support in the reformation of the society NOTE: counselors should stress the importance of correct intent/on as the basis for the successful marriage. II. IMPORTANCE OF TRUST IN MARRIAGE 1. The foundation of trust in our marriage is dawah 2. Trust is what keeps your marriage moving. 3. Don't be carried away by third parties comments. 4. You have a role to maintain the trust. 5. Avoid external forces in the relationship. III. PREPARATION FORAN-NIKAKH • Mental preparation 1. Attend workshop. 2. Read books and journals relating to the marriage 3. Seek advice from and feel free to ask your teacher any question regarding your preparation. 4. Think on how to succeed in it. NOTE: Counselors should stress types of books and types of people to seek advice from. • Physical preparation 1. Lower your gaze. See your partner as the best of man or woman and don't compare with any other. 2. Watch your dressing always appear neat. 3. Exercise mercy and justice towards your partner. 4. Be hygienic and take balanced diet. 5. Create quality time for meeting your partner. • Spiritual/Psychological preparation 1. To relate to each other 2. Forgive each other. 3. Exercise each other. 4. Regular prayer exercise, i.e. Adhkar, Ruqyah, etc. 5. Respect each other NOTE: Counselors may recommend finishing of the whole Qur'an before marriage day and necessary textbooks. IV. FAMILY IIMTERFERANCE 1. Right attitude to nuclear and extended families. 2. Duty to protect your partner from them. 3. Living with them. 4. Making them taking decision for you. NOTE: Counselors should stress the importance of extreme patience on the part of the wife and the need for adequate protection on the part of the husband for the wife V. HOUSEHELPS 1. Who are house helpers? 2. Are family members' house helpers? 3. Right attitude to house helpers. 4. Spiritual watch over them 5. Avoid it if possible. NOTE: Counselors should explain the need for the wife to do more of her 'household works herself and the husband making himself available to assist the wife. VI. MANAGING WEALTH/POVERTY 1. Richness/poverty comes only from Allah 2. Both are test from Allah. 3. If rich, how to manage. 4. If poor, hoe to manage. 5. Manner of giving complaints 6. Husband rich, wife poor. 7. Husband poor, wife rich. 8. No matter how hard give Sadaqah. 9. Take care of what Islam recommends. 10. Seeking means of enrichment. 11. Avoid joint business or joint account. VII. YOUR FAMILY RESPONSIBILITES, DAILY JOB AND DAWAH EXPECTATION. 1. .One should not override the other. 2. Set your priorities. 3. Be conscious of accountability. 4. Maximize your time. 5. Mutual assistance from the couple over dawah work and. home responsibilities. VIII. FEARS OF AN-NIKAH 1. Marriage may fail or collapse 2. Late arrival of babies. 3. Barrenness. 4. Effect of Shaitan and its agent. 5. Polygamy. 6. Sickness. 7. Death of one of the couples. 8. Lack of progress. NOTE: Counselors should present the Islamic view of each of the fears IX. BEAGOODNIEGHBOUR 1. You are a teacher 2. You are a doctor. 3. Show restraints. 4. Spread Islamic values. 5. Make friends and not enemies 6. Extend gifts to them. 7. Always greet them, even if they are not Muslims. 8. Fulfill your roles in the collective responsibilities with neighbors. 9. Find time and opportunities to admonish them. X. DUTIES • HUSBAND 1. Shelter 2. Food 3. Clothing 4. Protection 5. Educating the wife 6. Demonstrate leadership qualities . 7. Always advice her. • WIFE 1. Obedience/Respect 2. Service. 3. Assistance 4. Managing the home and maintenance. 5. Duties over children. XI. CRISES RESOLUTION 1. What are crises? 2. Crises and quarrel: the dividing line. 3. Having crises/quarrel is not abnormal 4. It is a way of Shaitan to divide you, or may be blessing from Allah (the knower of what is hidden) 5. Let there be atmosphere to jointly resolve it internally 6. Promptly report it to the appropriate quarters if you cannot handle it or even if handled successfully. 7. Be sincere with yourselves. 8. Correct modestly and praise lavishly 9. If it happens, seek refuge in Allah from the accursed devil 10. Keep children away from crises. XII. PREGNANCY MANAGEMENT 1. Knowing that pregnancy has arrived. 2. Effect of pregnancy on the woman and her duties. 3. The antenatal care / closing gap with experience mothers and fathers. 4. Buying things for delivery. 5. The d-day and spreading the good news. 6. Preparing for the unexpected. XIII. CHILD REARING Another world: attaching enough attachment to it. Shift in attention to the baby and its implications. Spending quality time and money on them Take care of their health and education (Islamic, western and morals). XIV. SEX AS RESPONSIBLITY 1. Role of sex in marriage 2. Myths about sexual intercourse 3. Preliminaries to sex. 4. Virginity. 5. First night experience and how to cope with it 6. Keep it secret but seek clarification. NOTE: Counselors should stress the need for them to open-up on specific problems as envisaged or that may happen after the first few days. This section is advised to be delayed till one week to the date of marriage or as close as possible. PART3 A. Taking the second wife.-Teachers should take a Brother who already has a proposed wife as 2nd, 3rd or.4th wife and preparing for marriage through the followings: 1. Purpose of polygamy. 2. Informing those at home and families. 3. Planning together with wives at home. 4. Importance of maintaining Balance in polygamy. 5. Avoiding creating wedge between the wives. 6. .Seeking Allan's assistance. B. Being or taking a second, third or fourth wife: Teachers should take would be additional wives and those receiving them through the followings: 1. Purpose of polygamy. 2. See your co-wives as your sisters and not rivals even if there are reasons for otherwise. 3. Plan together. 4. Resolve your differences with love and concern, love for her what you love for yourself. 5. Regularly exchange gifts among yourselves. 6. Window of communication should be open among yourselves rather than making the man your PRO. 7. Treat all children of the family equally without discrimination. 8. Respect your co-wives, do not quarrel, and avoid abusive language and fighting. 9. Always appreciate one another. 10. Be moderate in jealousy. 11. Avoid dealing with yourselves as housemaid, always do your own part of home responsibilities. • Counselors should back up their discuss with relevant verse of the Holy Qur'an, Hadith and life examples from our past and present experiences. They should also make their audience to ask questions as much as possible. Any questions they cannot handle should be referred. Copies of the attached should be made for every one we have taken. RECOMMENDED TEXTBOOKS 1. Every woman: chapters four and five 2. Lasting love. 3. 1st and 2nd Couples day lectures (cassettes) 4. Love and Live billings methoa of natural Family Planning. 5. Problems faced by Dawah and Daiyah 6. Minhajul Muslim: Etiquettes of Nikkah and Firash, Uquq Zawjiyah. 7. Fiqh Sunnah: Uquq Zawjiyah. 8. Ihiyyah ulumiddin: Uquq Zawjiyah 9. The concept of An-Nikkah: Chapter four-Mujtaba Daud A FEW RULES FORA HAPPY MARRIAGE 1. Tell each other you love each other, 2. Never both be angry at the same time. 3. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly. 4. Never bring up old mistakes. 5. Never go to bed with an argument unsettled. 6. Neglect the whole Dunyah rather than each other. 7. Pray together at least once a cay. 8. Remember that behind every successful spouse is an exhausted partner. 9. Remember it takes two to quarrel. 10. When you have done something wrong, admit it. 11. At least once a day say something kind or complimentary to your partner. 12. Do not go to bed more than ten minute after your partner or seek his or her consent. 13. Listen when your partner is speaking. 14. Remember your spouse is important than the television/match/video/computer/handset etc, 15. Notice when your partner is wearing something new or has a new hairdo and haircut. 16. Remember anniversaries. 17. Thank your partner for their gift, or effort on your behalf. 18. Last one up, make the bed 19. Notice when your spouse looked tired, and do something about it. 20. Never run your partner down, or criticize them in public. 21. Always wear smiling faces while with your partner,
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