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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

PREPARING THE SINGLES

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL Marriage as a Sunnah of the Holy Prophet is an act that must be done with adequate pre-education and preparation of all parties. Below are what we as teachers and councilors should take Brothers and Sisters who are to be involve in marriage through before there engagements as part of our responsibilities over them which we shall be accountable to Allah (swt) on. May Allah make it easy for us al-amin. PART 1 At Period of Attachment: this time Teachers are expected to ad monish and follow up their Bros and Sis on what is coming below irrespective of whether it was mentioned during the attachment process or not. a. Frequency / Place of Meeting: Advised fortnightly but may reduce depending on distance. Frequency may also increase as marriage approaches. Islamic rules on strange meetings should also be dwelt on. b. Focus of Discussion: Admonition, knowing about self and families, individual problems and joys, career, marriage plans, dream home, raising children, spiritual development and dawah and dawah activities. c. Rights/limitation: As it affects the followings- Discussions/meetings, showing concern, exchange of gifts, expression of love, visitation and dawah assignments. d. Reporting: They should be made to know that the relationship just like any other thing is still a subject of reporting and no sacred area. PART2 At the approach of marriage: This part should be taken as soon as the marriage is expected to come in between four to six month in future irrespective of whether a date has been choosing or not. It is important to cover it before a month to the marriage when the student is expected to be busy wish preparations for the marriage. The following is a collection of what marriage counselors should endeavor to take the would be couples through.   I. ESSENCE OF AN-NIKAH 1. Procreation. 2. To serve Allah. 3. To copy the Holy Prophet. 4. To administer the other creatures of Allah. 5. A means of accepting the responsibilities of Allah's work. 6. Continuation of propagation of Allah's work. 7. Mean of enjoyment to satisfy the nature of man. 8. To guard your chastity. 9. To support in the reformation of the society NOTE: counselors should stress the importance of correct intent/on as the basis for the successful marriage. II. IMPORTANCE OF TRUST IN MARRIAGE 1. The foundation of trust in our marriage is dawah 2. Trust is what keeps your marriage moving. 3. Don't be carried away by third parties comments. 4. You have a role to maintain the trust. 5. Avoid external forces in the relationship. III. PREPARATION FORAN-NIKAKH • Mental preparation 1. Attend workshop. 2. Read books and journals relating to the marriage 3. Seek advice from and feel free to ask your teacher any question regarding your preparation. 4. Think on how to succeed in it. NOTE: Counselors should stress types of books and types of people to seek advice from. • Physical preparation 1. Lower your gaze. See your partner as the best of man or woman and don't compare with any other. 2. Watch your dressing always appear neat. 3. Exercise mercy and justice towards your partner. 4. Be hygienic and take balanced diet. 5. Create quality time for meeting your partner. • Spiritual/Psychological preparation 1. To relate to each other 2. Forgive each other. 3. Exercise each other. 4. Regular prayer exercise, i.e. Adhkar, Ruqyah, etc. 5. Respect each other NOTE: Counselors may recommend finishing of the whole Qur'an before marriage day and necessary textbooks. IV. FAMILY IIMTERFERANCE 1. Right attitude to nuclear and extended families. 2. Duty to protect your partner from them. 3. Living with them. 4. Making them taking decision for you. NOTE: Counselors should stress the importance of extreme patience on the part of the wife and the need for adequate protection on the part of the husband for the wife V. HOUSEHELPS 1. Who are house helpers? 2. Are family members' house helpers? 3. Right attitude to house helpers. 4. Spiritual watch over them 5. Avoid it if possible. NOTE: Counselors should explain the need for the wife to do more of her 'household works herself and the husband making himself available to assist the wife. VI. MANAGING WEALTH/POVERTY 1. Richness/poverty comes only from Allah 2. Both are test from Allah. 3. If rich, how to manage. 4. If poor, hoe to manage. 5. Manner of giving complaints 6. Husband rich, wife poor. 7. Husband poor, wife rich. 8. No matter how hard give Sadaqah. 9. Take care of what Islam recommends. 10. Seeking means of enrichment. 11. Avoid joint business or joint account. VII. YOUR FAMILY RESPONSIBILITES, DAILY JOB AND DAWAH EXPECTATION. 1. .One should not override the other. 2. Set your priorities. 3. Be conscious of accountability. 4. Maximize your time. 5. Mutual assistance from the couple over dawah work and. home responsibilities. VIII. FEARS OF AN-NIKAH 1. Marriage may fail or collapse 2. Late arrival of babies. 3. Barrenness. 4. Effect of Shaitan and its agent. 5. Polygamy. 6. Sickness. 7. Death of one of the couples. 8. Lack of progress. NOTE: Counselors should present the Islamic view of each of the fears IX. BEAGOODNIEGHBOUR 1. You are a teacher 2. You are a doctor. 3. Show restraints. 4. Spread Islamic values. 5. Make friends and not enemies 6. Extend gifts to them. 7. Always greet them, even if they are not Muslims. 8. Fulfill your roles in the collective responsibilities with neighbors. 9. Find time and opportunities to admonish them. X. DUTIES • HUSBAND 1. Shelter 2. Food 3. Clothing 4. Protection 5. Educating the wife 6. Demonstrate leadership qualities . 7. Always advice her. • WIFE 1. Obedience/Respect 2. Service. 3. Assistance 4. Managing the home and maintenance. 5. Duties over children. XI. CRISES RESOLUTION 1. What are crises? 2. Crises and quarrel: the dividing line. 3. Having crises/quarrel is not abnormal 4. It is a way of Shaitan to divide you, or may be blessing from Allah (the knower of what is hidden) 5. Let there be atmosphere to jointly resolve it internally 6. Promptly report it to the appropriate quarters if you cannot handle it or even if handled successfully. 7. Be sincere with yourselves. 8. Correct modestly and praise lavishly 9. If it happens, seek refuge in Allah from the accursed devil 10. Keep children away from crises. XII. PREGNANCY MANAGEMENT 1. Knowing that pregnancy has arrived. 2. Effect of pregnancy on the woman and her duties. 3. The antenatal care / closing gap with experience mothers and fathers. 4. Buying things for delivery. 5. The d-day and spreading the good news. 6. Preparing for the unexpected. XIII. CHILD REARING Another world: attaching enough attachment to it. Shift in attention to the baby and its implications. Spending quality time and money on them Take care of their health and education (Islamic, western and morals). XIV. SEX AS RESPONSIBLITY 1. Role of sex in marriage 2. Myths about sexual intercourse 3. Preliminaries to sex. 4. Virginity. 5. First night experience and how to cope with it 6. Keep it secret but seek clarification. NOTE: Counselors should stress the need for them to open-up on specific problems as envisaged or that may happen after the first few days. This section is advised to be delayed till one week to the date of marriage or as close as possible. PART3 A. Taking the second wife.-Teachers should take a Brother who already has a proposed wife as 2nd, 3rd or.4th wife and preparing for marriage through the followings: 1. Purpose of polygamy. 2. Informing those at home and families. 3. Planning together with wives at home. 4. Importance of maintaining Balance in polygamy. 5. Avoiding creating wedge between the wives. 6. .Seeking Allan's assistance. B. Being or taking a second, third or fourth wife: Teachers should take would be additional wives and those receiving them through the followings: 1. Purpose of polygamy. 2. See your co-wives as your sisters and not rivals even if there are reasons for otherwise. 3. Plan together. 4. Resolve your differences with love and concern, love for her what you love for yourself. 5. Regularly exchange gifts among yourselves. 6. Window of communication should be open among yourselves rather than making the man your PRO. 7. Treat all children of the family equally without discrimination. 8. Respect your co-wives, do not quarrel, and avoid abusive language and fighting. 9. Always appreciate one another. 10. Be moderate in jealousy. 11. Avoid dealing with yourselves as housemaid, always do your own part of home responsibilities. • Counselors should back up their discuss with relevant verse of the Holy Qur'an, Hadith and life examples from our past and present experiences. They should also make their audience to ask questions as much as possible. Any questions they cannot handle should be referred. Copies of the attached should be made for every one we have taken. RECOMMENDED TEXTBOOKS 1. Every woman: chapters four and five 2. Lasting love. 3. 1st and 2nd Couples day lectures (cassettes) 4. Love and Live billings methoa of natural Family Planning. 5. Problems faced by Dawah and Daiyah 6. Minhajul Muslim: Etiquettes of Nikkah and Firash, Uquq Zawjiyah. 7. Fiqh Sunnah: Uquq Zawjiyah. 8. Ihiyyah ulumiddin: Uquq Zawjiyah 9. The concept of An-Nikkah: Chapter four-Mujtaba Daud A FEW RULES FORA HAPPY MARRIAGE 1. Tell each other you love each other, 2. Never both be angry at the same time. 3. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly. 4. Never bring up old mistakes. 5. Never go to bed with an argument unsettled. 6. Neglect the whole Dunyah rather than each other. 7. Pray together at least once a cay. 8. Remember that behind every successful spouse is an exhausted partner. 9. Remember it takes two to quarrel. 10. When you have done something wrong, admit it. 11. At least once a day say something kind or complimentary to your partner. 12. Do not go to bed more than ten minute after your partner or seek his or her consent. 13. Listen when your partner is speaking. 14. Remember your spouse is important than the television/match/video/computer/handset etc, 15. Notice when your partner is wearing something new or has a new hairdo and haircut. 16. Remember anniversaries. 17. Thank your partner for their gift, or effort on your behalf. 18. Last one up, make the bed 19. Notice when your spouse looked tired, and do something about it. 20. Never run your partner down, or criticize them in public. 21. Always wear smiling faces while with your partner,

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